As each day passes and I am still finding myself searching for work that is not to be had – I am struggling with what my future holds.
I have always been able to find work in my field, but this time it is proving to be next to impossible locating any work around my home town. I was laid off the beginning of December, basically a surprise to me with no real warning it was coming…just very, very subtle hints, but I was so busy to really be able to read them and such things had happened before, so did not really think this time was different. I have been on unemployment with my benefits running out in 3 months and no closer to locating work than the day I started looking.
I question at my age of 50 if I need to reinvent myself and go back to school, take a job I have never done before and gain new experience (can an old dog be taught something new?) or continue to look in the field I have always worked in (medical)?
I pray daily for God to give me a sign or show me the path to take – I am still waiting for that sign. I know He wants the best for me, but the silence is difficult to accept when time is ticking away. I am trying to be still and prayerful through this because I know God can and will open a door. I know He has plans for me just as he tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord.” “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” So I am trusting Him for this promise in my life right now that where I am to be is where I will find myself before the next 3 months has run out.
I love the quote by Oswald Chambers “We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties” and sometimes I do pray more for God to help me keep my eyes on Him then I do for the difficulties I am facing.
Part of the difficulty in locating work is that I need to be close here to help my parents. As they have gotten older they are needing more and more assistance with things and as the oldest child and single, I feel it is my duty to be there for them when they need help and sometimes that means literally picking them up off the floor on occasion because they have fallen. My sister helps when she can, but she is a busy gal with a family and my brother lives too far away to be of any help. Some days it is overwhelming, but I remind myself all they sacrificed for me over the years and that it is my turn to give back to them.
In some ways I am trying to look at the loss of my job as a blessing. Strange maybe, but let me explain. I was under extreme stress and had little free time for myself, as I was working long hours. I was the only person who held my position. They got someone to help me, but it was not the kind of help I needed to be able to leave this person for a week in my position while I would take time off. When I took a day off to take one of my parent’s to a doctor’s appointment, the gal they had hired did not get much done. I worked for this place a little over 7 years and in those 7 years I only had a vacation in the first 2 years, after that they had let all the other staff go who did my job and it was just me. Needless to say, I was experiencing burnout fast and in some ways being laid off was a bittersweet blessing, which allowed be to finally get some time off.
So while I wait on God for answers and direction, I started this blog, I help a couple days a week at my sister’s secondhand store, I started selling Avon again, I’ve been taking my parents to appointments, enjoying the pleasure of reading books once again, working on some projects I did not have time to do while working full-time/overtime, and praying for guidance and direction. I feel keeping busy keeps my eyes off my problems and able to think more clearly. As far as stress goes, things have gotten much better.
I know God is faithful to answer my prayers, He has never failed to do so and if I have received no answer, I remind myself often that I do not see the under workings in my life/circumstances, but He does and He always works things out for my best interest and so even a no answer is an answer. I certainly do not want anything that is outside of His will for me. It is my hope that I will have an answer before the 3 months is up and I am trusting Him for that!